The gift of being sleep deprived

 

Who would have thought that wisdom could come from having a near physical breakdown!

Six months of sleep deprivation and I stopped being able to think! I cancelled all appointments and plans from Friday to Monday and spent the day sitting. Sometimes in the living room. Sometimes in the garden under the plum tree. Sometimes in my bed.

photo-1433162653888-a571db5ccccfI couldn’t think and I also couldn’t talk.

Then, at some point on Monday, I realized that I had just experienced real freedom for the first time in my life. I had spent 4 days in a state of being – as pure as I had ever experienced before.

No thought. Magnificently untiring. No challenge. Pure ease and simplicity. Just being. Just looking out at the grass, the trees, the sky or the white wall or orange chair.

On Tuesday morning, I had an epiphany. I AM free. I already am free. I start at FREE. This is pure freedom. Freedom from thought. Freedom from emotion. Freedom from the constant chatter that I lived with before.

I…. AM…. FREE.

Now, the only question to answer was: What do I want to add back into my life?”

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